Qualifications and Justifications

Cover of "Practical Magic (Snap Case)"

Qualifications and Justifications

This lovely little number is on the qualifications one must have in order to date another human being. I most closely relate this post to an excerpt from the moviePractical Magic”. This is a movie that I both despise and love; yes I am a roller coaster/one woman circus if you haven’t already figured that out.

I love this movie because it reminds me a lot of my sister for many reasons. One reason is because we watch it together all the time (or at least used to), second is because the movie is based on two sisters and third my sister is a down right witch, and not the good kind more like the kind that actually starts with a giant “B”. I love you darling sister and I know you would agree.

Now the reason I dislike/despise this movie is because it is a tad creepy…who am I kidding it is ultra-creepy. This just goes to show what a wussy wimp I truly am, but in all actuality it is a movie about witches and killing a man. It’s a dark movie and truthfully I cannot watch it on my own…this brings us back to my sister watching it with me (she is generally the only one who will).

Well in this dark movie there is a lovely little part where these two sisters (Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman) are small children, their mother has just died of a broken heart (I did say lovely part right?) and they are now living with their two aunts. Sandra Bullock’s character (child version) says she never wants to have a broken heart and conjures up a little spell. In this spell she makes a list of everything her future spouse must have and they are all seemingly ridiculous things. I can do little justice to the scene by explaining it so I will insert the video and quote here:

Young Sally: He will hear my call a mile away, he will whistle my favourite song, he can ride a pony backwards-

Young Gilly: What are you doing?

Young Sally: I’m summoning up a true love spell called amas veritas, he can flip pancakes in the air, he will be marvellously kind, and his favourite shape will be a star. And he’ll have one green eye, one blue.

Young Gilly: I thought you never wanted to fall in love.

Young Sally: That’s the point. The guy I dreamed up doesn’t exist, and if he doesn’t exist, I’ll never die of a broken heart.

What a very cute, albeit crazy, view for a child. If he doesn’t exist, I’ll never get hurt. On the contrary my little lass, he doesn’t exist and we all still get our hearts broken looking for him. However, this is another topic for another day.

Back to my subject of qualifications and justifications (which will tie into that part of the movie)…The other day I was at work and a co-worker, we will call her Leiko, since the meaning closely resembles her attitude, asked me if I had a boyfriend. I answered her with a yes and she pried more into my relationship with him, which isn’t hard considering my word vomit status. I told her how wonderful Thor is to me and how amazingly we work together. I then dropped the biggest bomb I think I could have ever dropped upon her, and now family and friends I will drop it onto you as well…Thor is not in fact of the same religious faith as me. I can hear the audible gasps and the judgment coming from you all now, but if you could pause for a moment and let me finish my thought I would appreciate it.

Not the same religious faith as me, I know sinner me but I’ll let you in on a little secret…Thor is amazing regardless of his religion. That’s right I said regardless, not in spite of or because of. Thor was raised by amazing parents that taught him true genuine values and they made sure he followed by those. His religion also taught him fantastic beliefs as did his brother and other influential people in his life. I will say this: other members of the LDS faith in his neighborhood did not, in fact, teach him good values; so as a side note to the parents of his peers – shame on you – shame on you for not letting your children play with, talk to or even associate in a general manner with Thor and his family because they did not go into the same religious building as you. Your children, and even yourselves, would have been overly blessed to have known and been close to this amazing family, which actually live by their teachings and live standards of loving everyone and not judging.

Thank you for that little rant session and now back to the point. Leiko sat there with a dumbfounded look on her face as I further continued to explain my view point. Now I’m not judging her for any of her beliefs (especially since I share a great deal of them) so please don’t misinterpret that in my message today. I told Leiko how I had been married, in an LDS temple to a “worthy” priesthood holder. I told her how he then used his priesthood to control and abuse me. I told her how he (and yes even I) did not actually live and follow all of the teachings we believed in but mostly just those others could see. On the outside he looked like a stalwart member of the church but deep down there was nothing Christian about him. He did not love everyone, he judged everyone he looked at, was unkind to me, his son and would not give a penny to a person in need (as we see today with his son). I told Leiko how I believed Mother Theresa was in the highest of our heavens and she was not LDS, that so many LDS would probably not make it into this kingdom either. I explained that all religions that teach a good message of loving others is a good religion. That even LDS people do bad things and non-LDS people do good things.

I am not against the church, if I was I wouldn’t be a member of it obviously, I am however against using the church – any church – as a means to make yourself better than another person. Christianity is a state of being, it is living values and virtues that are Christ like. Wasn’t Christ kind to all, didn’t he say he who is without sin cast the first stone? I know the LDS Church helps us along the way to becoming better people and I realize there are many wonderful and amazing LDS members. However, there are also good people that are not LDS.

In my dating adventures I have gone on many a date with a man I met on LDSsingles.com and the experiences there will never be forgotten. I had heard many jokes about this site needing to be renamed LDShookups.com but until I got onto the site I would have never believed it. 98.9% of the boys (yes boys not men) I met on there were completely there for one thing and one thing only….to flash their temple recommend so they could get into a young ladies pants. The other guys were just down right creepy. I know this seems harsh but it is completely honest.

I went on many a first date with a guy and he would go on and on about how worthy he was and his church calling and what have you and then at the end of the date I would get a door shut in my face because I wouldn’t even go to the bases, let alone run them. PS You know who you are fellas 😀 .

So many of these “worthy” priesthood holders would never call back once they did in fact get me to kiss them, or I would see them going out with at least 17 other girls (facebook stalking) all of which wore little to no clothing in their pictures. Really?!

Another example of this dating adventure is not one of mine but a professor’s. Apparently in this professor’s class a young lady announced to the class all the things she made boys do and buy for her before she would let them go up her shirt or down her pants. I’m not lying to you this girl had a full on list of criteria they must meet before she would give it up…which on one hand way to have standards and the other hand are you for real into selling yourself for dates to Ruby River? (I had to through that shameless plug in there for my work 😉 ) A few days later my professor was walking into the temple and out came this young lady. He was pretty entertained about this meeting as she became very awkward and uncomfortable before just walking away.

I don’t believe in doing bad things and I don’t think LDS people or non-LDS people are the only offenders. Absolutely no one is perfect, if they were, they would not in fact be on this earth (as per my beliefs). All I am saying is give people a chance.

Now back to my story (after a very long digression) I then asked Leiko about her dating status and all she could say was something along the lines of, I’m just waiting for God to send me my Mormon boy to marry. I had to lift my chin off the ground after this. First you are just waiting on this? Don’t you know you should do other things in life than just find a spouse and be married? Second your only criteria is that he is Mormon?

We got into a discussion about criteria. I told her how mine had been the same as hers: “Mormon” oh and a return missionary and how that had led me to this life. Now I know mine is a different situation, there are so many Mormon return missionaries out there that are incredible husbands and fathers, I do not take this away from them. I just had to point out that maybe her qualifications should be more than that and should perhaps include someone that actually lives by what he teaches, has integrity, plays well with others, can spell his name…I don’t know anything at all besides his religion. After all religion does not make the person, their standards and following of religious and/or other good standards makes the person. This reminds me of a great quote, “Going to church makes you as much of a Christian as standing in a garage makes you a car.”

Leiko then stated that her Patriarchal Blessing is so entirely specific about her marrying an RM that she would never even think to date someone that was not. I wanted to then say, “Oh, okay so he can hit you or cheat on you but if he is an RM it is all fine and dandy. Why didn’t I think of that, silly me?” But I refrained and bit my tongue. She then went off to say, “You can do what you want but I just know I am better than not marrying an RM”. Truly I have never been so close to biting my tongue completely off and not just in half but the whole freaking thing!

If this story is not enough for you I have more, if it is enough then you are welcome to stop reading.

Two minutes later a young man came and sat by us, I asked if they knew the young lady that was babysitting my son and Leiko blurts out to the boy, “Doesn’t she drink” in a full on disgust tone. The young man so darlingly replied, “Not while she is babysitting.” This helped me not to kill Leiko and to laugh the situation off. Not two seconds after judging my sitter for the transgressions she may or may not be doing,  Leiko stated that a certain boy (LDS RM mind you) that often called her for a “booty call” had called her the previous night and she had in fact ditched him for another. The young man said, “Whatever, you love booty calls and never turn one down.” To which she replied, “Well his I turn down now…”

Okay so let me get this straight…The LDS RM that calls you to do things against yours and his moral beliefs in chastity got ditched by you because you had another boy to do inappropriate things with, all the while you are judging my boyfriend for not sitting in an LDS chapel every Sunday and for respecting my moral beliefs and treating me like a queen and not a giant worthless piece of booty?! Oh okay so qualifications on a good spouse include: Sitting in Church on Sunday, Going to the temple, being dishonest with his superiors in interviews to get his recommend, treating you like you mean nothing to him besides the physical aspect, deceitful and lacking integrity, loyalty, respect, and a plethora of other qualities. But my qualifications on a spouse which include; Being honest, trustworthy, respectful, kind, generous, true to himself and others, gentle, communicative, worthy of me and a plethora of other good and even some bad qualities, is void of getting me a good spouse? Oh I see how that makes sense…because your guy is after all an LDS RM. Right, got it, check!

All I’m saying is don’t have unrealistic qualifications and don’t justify away what you deserve just because he looks good to other people or to your beliefs. Shouldn’t a marriage/relationship be more than sitting together on Sunday looking religious but not actually being that? Correct me if I’m wrong but…aren’t there like six other days in a week where you aren’t sitting in church? Your qualifications don’t need to fit what looks right because often that is the exact opposite of what you are getting.

Oh and side note, Leiko at one point responded to my statement about how their are good men that aren’t RM’s out there with: “Jimmer wasn’t an RM, I would marry him.” Wait didn’t you say earlier that your blessing told you, you were better than that…did it have a clause in there that said if he is famous and plays basketball it is okay that he isn’t an RM but everyone else you consider should be? Yeah I didn’t think so.

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